Star Weiss

Cohousing, an idea to think about

2012-01-26T09:42:00.001-08:00

I've recently been talking to people about the concept of cohousing...a quite fascinating idea of designing a housing complex that combines private ownership of homes (or townhouses) with shared group facilities like a big common house with a large kitchen/dining area, guest rooms, a workshop, or a craft area. The idea is to create an "intentional" community that encourages a neighbourhood feeling and interaction with the people who live around you. It's appealing in our age when so many people feel so isolated and many of our traditional support systems are weak. Yet, will it work in our very individualistic culture? Can we create a community with good planning?
When I talked to Margaret Critchlow of Sooke, BC about the idea, her enthusiasm for the concept was contagious. Margaret is spearheading a project in Sooke to build a senior cohousing complex there, designed for the 50 and up crowd. It's an alternative housing idea that has a lot of merit, even though it's not for everyone.
I've done a column for CBC on this (my columns are aired on CBC Radio One 90.5 FM on Jo-Ann Roberts' show All Points West on Thursdays at 4:35 p.m.) and if you are interested in learning more, here are some helpful websites:
Canadian Senior Cohousing (the Sooke group), and
Canadian Cohousing Network: You can also hear my recent columns by going to: CBC Radio One's All Points West
and scroll down to the NYNO, Not Young Not Old column.
Would love to hear what you think of cohousing. Most of the developments now completed are intergenerational, and family focused.

new course at UVic

2012-01-19T11:57:00.001-08:00

My column this week for CBC took a look at a new course at UVic...Exploring Aging Through Film. My interviews for this reminded me of the energy and enthusiasm people, young and old, have for learning....and of how many fascinating people are out there. We have so much we can teach each other, and and I love the idea of an intergenerational approach to learning, like this course will provide, with UVic students and continuing studies participants all discussing the films and listening to each other.

Password Proliferation: How many do YOU have?

2012-01-05T10:00:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, how do you keep track of your passwords...for everything from banking to accessing your email to booking a ferry? It's pretty clear that almost no one does what they're supposed to do (except maybe people on the job who are required to follow procedures), and it's a universal headache!
Here are some of the ways people admitted to me they keep track of passwords. Sound familiar?
*Keep them on a post-it note on their computer
*Email the list to themselves, or keep them in a word document
*Use the same password, or two, or three, over and over
*Keep one "stronger" one for vital accounts, and use an easier one for the rest
*Just keep the same one for years
*Use the "forgot my password" option and keep changing them each time you go to that file
*Use one super strong password for all, or to access a password manager account where the rest are stored

The official advice about creating secure passwords is, quite honestly, simply not within the realm of possibilty for humankind: i.e. choose a word not related to you in any way; not found in any dictionary; add upper and lower case, numbers, and characters and make it long; don't write it down, have a different one for each account, and change it frequently. Sounds a little like theatre of the absurd.

We NYNOs (Not Young, Not Olds) are really the first generation to come face to face with the dilemma of passwords. When we were growing up, Password was a TV show! But even the younger generation is at a loss as to how to safely keep track of passwords, from what I'm hearing.

Despite this,maybe it's time to try to follow more of the “rules” of password security, at least for your most sensitive files....financial and such. I know people who create a strong password (most accounts, like gmail, will let you check to see if your password is strong or weak) by choosing a mnemonic (or phrase), like: No one will ever be able to guess my password, and then add numbers and upper and lower case and special characters. Then take the first letter of each word, or substitute a number, add a character or two and you could wind up with something like: N1wEbA2gMp!$ Simple, yes? If it weren't so important to our lives, we could all write this off as some sort of Monty Python skit, but the truth is, it IS important. There are password manager programs, but I've only spoken to one person who is using one.

So, like the challenge we put out on my CBC radio column, I call on security analysts in the business to come up with an easier way to manage and secure our passwords! If no one follows the rules, we've got to come up with new rules, right? I live in hope, waiting to hear suggestions for a user friendly doable password plan for the average person.

Gifts at Christmas...for the Older Set

2011-12-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

My first dilemma when I thinking about gifts for our parents, that is, the parents of us NYNOs (the Not Young Not Olds) has to do with terminology.
Elderly, older senior, aging parent,...none seem quite right (at least, unless you are part of the First Nations culture which knows how to transform the term "elder" into a a truly revered and sought after title. Maybe we are moving towards this too?).
I'm thinking now of the 80-plusers, the matriarchs and patriarchs of their families, the great-grandparents, the long lived, the senior seniors. More discussion on this "labelling" issue to come, no doubt.
Once identified, however, gifts for this age group are usually not easily purchased in the store....no, I'm thinking of homemade dinners for the freezer, of time spent together on weekends, of links to technology (like Facebook or Skype) that will help Grandma or Grandpa keep in touch with the family easily, of minor house renos that reduce the chance of falling (like grab bars), of music (downloaded onto an ipod), of family pictures and digital images saved, of gift certificates for things like massages or dinners out. These gifts are good for the heart, mind, and body, and represent our love and affection and wishes for good health and happiness for the "older set."
So, this Christmas, write a story for your mom or dad, or read them a favourite of yours...or ask them to tell you their own stories again. Find a time to sit quietly together beside a Christmas tree or in the candlelight. Be there for each other.

Drivers and aging...something to think about

2011-11-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

It seems everyone has a story about an older member of the family and the driving issue....and the heartache, anger, frustration, and worry that can come out of this concern. I'm pretty sure I'll be one of those people who is both terrified and enraged about losing my licence one day, if it comes to that, and wonder how to change that attitude into something healthier.
So, it was good to hear from Holly Tuokko, Director of the Centre on Aging at the University of Victoria, that she's seeing some changes in attitudes over the years, as she studies the driving and aging issue. Holly says people are now more willing to discuss "driving retirement" and think about options. Well, it's a step in the right direction, but we need to look at lots more driving alternatives, along with ways to keep our driving safe for as long as possible. Holly is taking part in a five-year study trying to pinpoint when our driving is becoming unsafe, and what we can do about it.....sounds good in theory, but I'm thinking of how car dependent we are...and hoping for innovative, creative thinkers to come up with suggestions...yesterday! About the best I can come up with is moving to an area where you can walk to most services, but how many of us can or will do that?
I feel too for the doctors, caught in the middle with patients who have always trusted them, but are now fearful that it's that same doctor who may take away their licence. What a breach of trust that must feel like too! The doctors hate being caught in this bind. So, for now, we worry about our parents' driving....and then think about what will happen when it's our turn next!

Dogs and the NYNO

2011-11-14T16:07:00.000-08:00

I was curious about whether it was a good idea to get a dog (or, in my friends Dave and Lesley's case, dogs!, as pictured here), when you're an empty nester NYNO (Not Young Not Old) type.

I've seen the devotion to dogs people have even after the kids have left, and I sure miss our dog Skipper. But what about travelling? wanting more freedom? But turns out that lots of the experts really think this is the prime time of life to add Fido to the equation....people usually have more time, money, and might especially welcome the company of a pooch at home.

So, we did the column on CBC Radio recently and already I've heard from a dogowner in Black Creek who praised greyhounds as the perfect NYNO dog...they love to sleep most of the time, so do well even in apartments, have personality, and are up for a walk when you are. And lots of them are up for adoption when "retired" from racing....interesting! I'd read about this, nice to hear it confirmed. Would love to hear more from other dog owners!

What we're learning about walking!

2011-11-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

Surprising what you can learn about, and from, walking. Since I'm a longtime power walker, I was quite delighted to hear, at a recent lecture by Dr. Stuart MacDonald of the University of Victoria, that walking is the best thing you can do to keep your brain active and healthy! (all exercise is good, but walking, especially fast walking, does do the trick and is a good overall indicator of vitality).

I learned more when I visited Stuart and his PhD student Janet Love at UVic and saw the GAIT Rite computerized walkway (pictured with volunteer Ailsa Roberts, 88, "on board"...thanks, Ailsa!) in use. This nifty device measures our speed, and various aspects of our gait, and when you add mental challenges, like spelling backwards while walking down the mat, you can learn a lot about our cognitive and physical state now and in the future. And then hopefully introduce activities that may lower future risks of falling or even of dementia. Stuart and Janet enthusiastically shared their findings and work with me, and of course made me try the walkway! After this experience, I was even more motivated to get out and walk ..even on those rainy wet coast days.

Thinking about the Sandwich Generation

2011-10-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

Four generations of our family

Life moves on, and the last two years have brought the issues of the Sandwich Generation front and centre for me, my family, and my husband's family. During that time, my mother-in-law went through a medical crisis that kept her in hospital for eight weeks, including a dramatic stint in ICU; my father moved from independent senior living to assisted living and most recently (after a bad fall) to extended care; and I was able to be present for the birth of my second grandchild.

So, I've reflected often on how things change when a medical crisis hits your parents. When that happens, and as soon as you can get on the scene, you are immediately thrown into the role of advocate and it's a steep learning curve.
I see this happening to more and more of my friends, and I've realized one thing: we are not alone. We care deeply about our aging relatives, and want to know the best way to "be there" for them, even when we are at a distance. If we can learn a bit from others who've been there or who have good advice, so much the better. I guess that's one reason I wanted to take on this topic professionally as well as personally...let's share our wisdom and maybe find some good suggestions and solutions along the way.

Times of the year

2009-10-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

With my granddaughter Sophie, in front of the tree where Russ and I were married at Peach Lake.

Now, far into October, but reflecting back to the amazing summer places we visited. These included the spot we were married, at Peach Lake, New York, a cabin now owned by my cousin, so we can still visit from time to time. Russ and I repeated our wedding vows there again one moonlit night in front to the same tree where we were married. This is indeed one of my sacred places, always....moonlit dips were also a true gift. How far away that seems, but it warms me even now in October.

Hot times, summer in BC

2009-07-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

What an amazing week of high temperatures and sweltering people finding lakes and late night relief on the deck by dark. Last night, after a BBQ at a friend's, I drove home in the cool of the night, windows wide open, old Beatles' tunes playing, and the halfmoon shimmering, and it felt like I was a teenager again, leaving the local ice cream parlour after checking out the convertibles with cute guys in them driving up.
This type of weather is unusual here,and I love things that break our expected behaviour and routines....that bring us together in the common goal...in this case, seeking coolness in a nearby lake and later under the stars.
This too is a sacred time and space.

Summer is here!

2009-07-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

Hi,
The weather in this incredible part of the world has been stunning, clear and sunny with cool nights....a clarity of light we rarely see quite this etched, and at times like these, BC is hard to beat anywhere!

It's been a busy time for book events and for family visits. And now, I've been asked to consider presenting a session next year, looking at the themes in my book (Havens in a Hectic World: Finding Sacred Places) from the "health and wellness" perspective. This sounds intriguing, especially since CBC radio host Jo-Ann Roberts and I have already produced our Radio One special "Healing the Heart" looking at the places we go to and the music we listen to when we need to heal.

Speaking of Jo-Ann, she and I camped recently at one of MY sacred places, Sombrio Beach, and we were joined on the beach by Mama Bear and her twins,...made life just that much more tangy and exciting!

A sunny Sunday, and next: Metchosin!

2009-06-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the Whistler reading drew about a dozen diehards on a gorgeous Friday evening in May, in the spacious new Whistler Library, but to my surprise the Spirit of Place event last Sunday at the Interfaith Chapel at UVic, sponsored by the Victoria Multifaith Society, drew 45 people on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I was amazed and pleased!
At one point we went around to let people identify their own sacred places, if they chose, and these included a frog pond on the way home from school (childhood memory), the Ganges River, and the memorial garden area in Finnerty Gardens, just outside the chapel, where a beloved family member is interred. It was quite moving to hear the personal choices.

Henri Lock, a chaplain at the Chapel, graciously introduced me, and talked about the chapel and grounds as his sacred places, which helped him get through cancer treatment many years ago, and where he was introduced to meditation, which he continues with a group there to this day. I was really thrilled to be the guest of the Multifaith Society in that Interfaith Chapel...it reflects where I believe and hope we're moving as a society, and was a wonderful, warm group event.

Next Wednesday night, June 24, at 7 p.m., I'll be speaking in the Metchosin Community House, at 4430 Happy Valley Road, and my topic is ""Spirit of Place: How the spiritual geography of the BC Coast may help us save the planet!"...first reading in my own backyard, and I'm really looking forward to it. See you there!

Next up: Whistler

2009-05-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
Well, next week we'll be in Whistler, and I've just been interviewed by both the media there, the Pique Magazine and the Whistler Question, and thoroughy enjoyed both interviews...love the questions, especially when they're fresh and different. One reporter asked if people get put off by the word "sacred" in the title of my book (Havens in a Hectic World: Finding Sacred Places) and I'm sure some do....but what I love is how many people, more and more I think, see the word "sacred" as far-reaching, inclusive and not scary, as in the "sacred Earth" and "sacred sites" for the First Nations. I think the word has morphed into something still powerful, but much less "religious" in the last 20 years.
I'll be giving a Book Talk at the Whistler Library at 7 p.m. next Friday night, May 22, and hope that people will talk about their own sacred places...I love hearing every story. Tell me about yours!

Thoughts after last weekend at Queenswood....

2009-05-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

Last weekend I led a retreat at Queenswood Retreat Centre here in Victoria, with topics based on themes from my book Havens in a Hectic World: Finding Sacred Places. We were so incredibly lucky with the weather patterns...lovely balmy night Friday for our rooftop stargazing session, stormy Saturday night, as we talked by candlelight and listened to the wind, and gorgeous sun on Sunday morning as we wandered the fragrant, flowered grounds.

We got into some pretty esoteric discussions, which I so appreciated...topics like the way Matthew Fox's creation spirituality is playing out in our postmodern, post-denominational world; and discussions around the duality of life (with its home and away urges, its balance between the "tent and the Temple" and between tradition and exploration) and a new environmentally-aware paradigm for our spiritual life on the West Coast. Whew!

And we laughed hard too...enough to be noticed in the dining room (man, is that food good!) What a great sacred place and what a great group of people.
So, I'm reflecting on all that this week, and it makes me optimistic that the movement towards something new, inclusive, and positive, as we meander along in our search for the big answers here in Cascadia, is hopeful, and possible. What do you think?

Two months into 2009....

2009-02-25T13:20:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

I know, I know, this update is a bit overdue. But lots has been simmering and even bubbling up in my life cauldron. While followup events related to Havens in a Hectic World continue, I'm now getting more and more involved in researching a new topic for future writing: my mother's letters from postwar Berlin, 1946-47, and I'm learning about the situation there then for the Occupying forces, the dependents and their families, and the German people.

On that note, we're just back from a trip to Pennsylvania (for a family birthday), and a side trip to the Army Heritage and Education Center in Carlisle, Pa, which has an archives that includes diaries,letters and writings of various military people involved in postwar Berlin, including a transcription of the oral history report given by General Lucius Clay, head of the US forces in Berlin. His wife Marjorie was quite a woman and helped organize American women to assist Germans in need and especially their children. Mom wrote about this and about seeing Marjorie Clay at the beauty parlour! (I love these personal details), and I find her observations fascinating, along with being at the centre of our Weiss family history.

I've also made contact with a group called Berlin Brats, alumni of the American high school in Berlin from 1946 on, and that's been exciting too! Now, next stop: Berlin, as I hope to plan a trip there before the year is out!

Feel free to send me any thoughts, contacts, or advice on any of this, btw!
More before too long....

prelude to Christmas

2008-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

As I look out on this wintry scene, (unusual here in Victoria), I'm thinking of how the way I feel at Christmastime has evolved over the years, from the pure joy and impatience of childhood to the parental excitement of going through Christmas with my own children, to now, the more interwoven feelings of both nostalgia and hope.
This is our first Christmas without my mother, and even though she was usually far away at Christmas, just knowing her big-hearted spirit and love was being sent out to all of us made Christmas feel right. So, things feel a bit sad and the loss is felt in unexpected moments and ways.
At the same time, seeing our granddaughter, now 20 months old, put ornaments on and take ornaments off her tree, listen and look as a Christmas book is read, and experience so many seasonal joys, like ice skating, for the first time, is such a complete wonder and delight.

Of course the word "sacred" rises to the top of the charts this time of year too, and since I've spent lots of time thinking about the ways we use that term in today's world, I'm wondering how each of you find the sacred moments in your lives at Christmas. For me, more and more, it's in the simple moments like writing cards by the fire as a Xmas CD plays; or in music. The recent Vancouver City Lights concert we attended, with both our daughters singing together for the first time, was one of those special times. And more to come...a Blue Moon Christmas night of music and readings (I'll do one too) on Dec. 18, and then the musica intima concert in Christ Church Cathedral on Dec. 19...wow. May music and memories be part of your Christmas.

Back from "the east"

2008-12-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hi there,

I'm back from a 12 day trip to the US to see family, and while there was asked to do a reading from Havens at the seniors' housing complex where my Dad lives. I was surprised and pleased when about 35 people attended the event, and when I asked people where their sacred places were, we had some fascinating responses like:

...the battlefield cemeteries of WW 2. A woman from Britain said those fields of crosses affected her more than any other losses she heard about during the war.

...entering the Mormon Tabernacle in Utah. A woman said the feeling there was overwhelming, even though she was not a Mormon.

...standing looking at a starry sky on a clear night.

...riding horseback beside my daughter across the range

...being under the big desert sky in the Southwest

I loved listening as people talked, and those continue to be some of my favourite moments since the book came out. Do let me know if you have a place to share.
I was also interviewed recently by a writer for the Edmonton Sun for her column on Sacred Spaces and the results of that should be in her Dec. 7 column. Stay tuned!

Welcome!

2008-11-08T14:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my brand-new blog!

I'm a newcomer to blogging, (assisted by my talented daughter!), but am hoping this is a place to tell the "story behind the story" of my new book, Havens in a Hectic World: Finding Sacred Places (TouchWood Editions, 2008) and to let you know more about my passion for learning about sacred places here on the West Coast.

Since the book was released, I've been hearing from people who wanted to tell me about the places they hold dear, and why, and to talk about the ways they are searching for the spiritual in their lives. I realized the subject of "sacred places" leads to an examination of a much wider subject: our evolving spirituality in the 21st Century. So, the topic seems to touch most of us in some way...what better way to examine it than with a blog!

This is my first day as an official "blogger"...and it feels both exhilarating and intimidating. I'll let you know some of the things that are taking place in my life as a result of my book, and I hope you'll let me know your feelings and thoughts on this subject too. Yikes...I feel like I'm standing on the top of a rollercoaster and it's about to take off! Here we go!